Tomorrow morning Bella will be making her First Holy Communion! What a beautiful and special day for her.
All the girls have worn this dress. I am so excited for her! The next one who puts this dress on will be Emilia!
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Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Attitude is Everything
Everyone needs a shirt with a little bit of attitude. Notice Em has her game face on. She's tough!!
All smiles again! Thanks Amy!!!!! Loving the shirt!!!!!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
A RareTreat !!!
We don't go out to eat very often, so this was a very rare occasion for us. We received gift card from dear friends for our anniversary. I know they were meant for Peter and I to "get away" but we couldn't resist treating the kids too. We had an awesome time as you can tell.
Yummo!!!
Emmie going after a cold one!!
Which on is the happiest?
It's hard to tell!
OK, he's shut off after this one!
And just to top off the night there was a big family gathering at the restaurant. As they were leaving the Grandmother stopped and said, " we have a little girl with Ds too, she is thirteen years old. "
The rest of the family came over and fussed over Emmie and then I got to meet their beautiful Lauren. She was gorgeous. She had the darkest eyes I've ever seen. And gave me the sweetest smile when I told her I too loved the Jonas Brothers.
And we all agreed that we were the luckiest people in the world!
The end ...
Yummo!!!
Emmie going after a cold one!!
Which on is the happiest?
It's hard to tell!
OK, he's shut off after this one!
And just to top off the night there was a big family gathering at the restaurant. As they were leaving the Grandmother stopped and said, " we have a little girl with Ds too, she is thirteen years old. "
The rest of the family came over and fussed over Emmie and then I got to meet their beautiful Lauren. She was gorgeous. She had the darkest eyes I've ever seen. And gave me the sweetest smile when I told her I too loved the Jonas Brothers.
And we all agreed that we were the luckiest people in the world!
The end ...
Monday, April 26, 2010
It's My Friend Again!
Emilia was so excited to see her friend was also at Chuck E Cheese.
These pictures were taken at Bella's birthday party. Emilia found her "friend". The photo's are blurry because I was laughing so hard I was shaking. There is a video that goes along with this. I'll get it posted soon. It's hysterical.
AND!!!!!!
Michelle over at Big Blueberry Eyes has a wonderful idea. We have all been devastated from the loss of Carly. She would like to have a portrait of Carly done for the George Family. If you would like to contribute go see Michelle for details. I think it's an incredible idea. And a way for our blogging community to show Joany how very much Carly meant to us all.
These pictures were taken at Bella's birthday party. Emilia found her "friend". The photo's are blurry because I was laughing so hard I was shaking. There is a video that goes along with this. I'll get it posted soon. It's hysterical.
AND!!!!!!
Michelle over at Big Blueberry Eyes has a wonderful idea. We have all been devastated from the loss of Carly. She would like to have a portrait of Carly done for the George Family. If you would like to contribute go see Michelle for details. I think it's an incredible idea. And a way for our blogging community to show Joany how very much Carly meant to us all.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Thankful Sunday
Our blog world has been shaken to it's core this week. The loss of Carly was a shock to everyone. I still keep checking all the posts about her. I just don't want to believe this is true. I know you all feel the same way.
My heart is broken for her family, yet there is no way to comfort them.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to post today. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be thankful about anything.
I am mad and sad and upset. I am asking the question ... WHY! Why Carly, why any child, why, why why!
I am scared because if it were my child I know I would not have the strength to endure the pain nor the faith to carry me. I know I wouldn't and that scares me.
But even though those are my feelings this week, life went on. And I was thankful for so much this week.
First that Bella finally got her birthday party! She was born in January. We were running a little behind this year. But yesterday was her day.
I am thankful for Opening Day! What a great day we all had. A parade of all the players (gazillions of them) and then a one inning game for all the teams to play, and 75 cent hotdogs!!!
Thankful that we all went to see a movie together. With the prices that's a small fortune for all of us. On Tuesday we went to see, Diary of a Wimpy Kid . Emmie too! We didn't know but on Tuesday the movies are discounted!! We saved a bundle.
Thankful for the New Family Meeting we went to last week. The DSSRI organizes meetings a couple of time a year for families with children up to three years of age.. We meet some beautiful families.
And I'm thankful for my yard. I love to be in the garden and watch everything grow.
Everyone have a blessed Sunday.
My heart is broken for her family, yet there is no way to comfort them.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to post today. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be thankful about anything.
I am mad and sad and upset. I am asking the question ... WHY! Why Carly, why any child, why, why why!
I am scared because if it were my child I know I would not have the strength to endure the pain nor the faith to carry me. I know I wouldn't and that scares me.
But even though those are my feelings this week, life went on. And I was thankful for so much this week.
First that Bella finally got her birthday party! She was born in January. We were running a little behind this year. But yesterday was her day.
I am thankful for Opening Day! What a great day we all had. A parade of all the players (gazillions of them) and then a one inning game for all the teams to play, and 75 cent hotdogs!!!
Thankful that we all went to see a movie together. With the prices that's a small fortune for all of us. On Tuesday we went to see, Diary of a Wimpy Kid . Emmie too! We didn't know but on Tuesday the movies are discounted!! We saved a bundle.
Thankful for the New Family Meeting we went to last week. The DSSRI organizes meetings a couple of time a year for families with children up to three years of age.. We meet some beautiful families.
And I'm thankful for my yard. I love to be in the garden and watch everything grow.
Everyone have a blessed Sunday.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Sweet Sweet Carly
This is not the post I thought I would be writing. We just came home and I was going to post about our day at the park. I actually did post it. Then I saw what had happened and I just had to delete it.
I am at a complete loss right now. I feel like I was sucker punched.
Carly is gone. This sweet girl who I loved to read about died today. I don't know what happened. She has been fine.
I am in shock.
I go to Joany's blog to read her menu plan, it always sounds so good.
I go to Joany's I go to blog to read about how she's doing with the teachers at Carly's school.
The last post Joany wrote was titled, "Everything's Going to Be Alright"
It was a beautiful post.
Please pray for the George Family tonight. I cannot even imagine the pain they are in.
Tonight there will be no cleaning, no yelling , no bedtimes. Tonight I will hold my little ones.
In your houses too... OK?
Thursday, April 22, 2010
A Year And A Half...
out cruising the neighborhood
That's my Dumplings age. Amazing. Wasn't I just posting her first birthday? She is growing and changing every day. Learning new things and still making us laugh until our sides hurt.
Thanks Emilia Faith for making our days sparkle and shine. You are our gem.
* just wanted to get the word out there that Lera is still in need of a family. I don't know what Gods plan is for this sweetheart but I do think He has a specific family in mind. Two families have attempted to be Lera's forever home and it has not happened. Are you the right family for Lera??? If you are felling the tug, please do not delay. Contact Reeces Rainbow immediately. I do know you must have already had a home study done. And please pray for her.
That's my Dumplings age. Amazing. Wasn't I just posting her first birthday? She is growing and changing every day. Learning new things and still making us laugh until our sides hurt.
Thanks Emilia Faith for making our days sparkle and shine. You are our gem.
* just wanted to get the word out there that Lera is still in need of a family. I don't know what Gods plan is for this sweetheart but I do think He has a specific family in mind. Two families have attempted to be Lera's forever home and it has not happened. Are you the right family for Lera??? If you are felling the tug, please do not delay. Contact Reeces Rainbow immediately. I do know you must have already had a home study done. And please pray for her.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Having Fun Walking
Someone was recently asking to see another video of Emilia walking. Denise was it you?? Now that I have my handy dandy camera back, here she is!
Please notice the outfit is different, actually now she's not even dressed! LOL
I couldn't have done this without the help of big brother Andrew!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Thankful Sunday
I've noticed that in the last few posts Emilia has had the same outfit on. I have changed her!LOL
These pictures were all taken on the same day!
Hey what do you know, I'm actually posting my Thankful Sunday post on Sunday! Well, the kids are on vacation this week, and it is already looking like there will be very little down time. Busy , busy, busy! Just the way I like it. Hope the weather is good, I'd love to sneak a picnic in somewhere.
This week I am Thankful that:
Summer is just around the corner, and I've started to clean up the garden. My favorite place to be.
That we found a trust worthy mechanic. If you remember a couple of weeks ago my car died. Well after all was said and done , it was an easy fix. And we weren't charged anything. That's honesty for you. And yesterday we took my car back to him because I had a leak in my tire. He found a huge nail in it. Pulled it out patched it like new and only charged us ten bucks. Someone else might have told us we needed a new tire.
That Andrew got a new baseball bag to carry all his equipment in! It's T ball you know! We take this very seriously! hehe. And the store we went to gave us a discount because he plays in a Warwick League. Can't wait to see him carry it. It's almost as big as he is.
That Andrew is six years old. Last night he was fixing his bed on the floor( that's where he is sleeping , he lost his bedroom thanks to the flood) And Olivia went to help him. He yelled, "Don't help me, I'm a big boy"! A sure sign to me that he's still my baby.
That I have my camera back!!!! YIPPEE! I am once again an independent blogger. I no longer have to whine and plead to my hubby to upload my photos from that other camera.
For sweet friends with kind words. Words...the best gift of all. Words last a lifetime. They can fill a heart with joy if used in a loving way. This week I have had a large dose of sweet words come my way. Thank you for all your beautiful comments.
And,Carol thanks for starting my morning off so sweetly!
These pictures were all taken on the same day!
Hey what do you know, I'm actually posting my Thankful Sunday post on Sunday! Well, the kids are on vacation this week, and it is already looking like there will be very little down time. Busy , busy, busy! Just the way I like it. Hope the weather is good, I'd love to sneak a picnic in somewhere.
This week I am Thankful that:
Summer is just around the corner, and I've started to clean up the garden. My favorite place to be.
That we found a trust worthy mechanic. If you remember a couple of weeks ago my car died. Well after all was said and done , it was an easy fix. And we weren't charged anything. That's honesty for you. And yesterday we took my car back to him because I had a leak in my tire. He found a huge nail in it. Pulled it out patched it like new and only charged us ten bucks. Someone else might have told us we needed a new tire.
That Andrew got a new baseball bag to carry all his equipment in! It's T ball you know! We take this very seriously! hehe. And the store we went to gave us a discount because he plays in a Warwick League. Can't wait to see him carry it. It's almost as big as he is.
That Andrew is six years old. Last night he was fixing his bed on the floor( that's where he is sleeping , he lost his bedroom thanks to the flood) And Olivia went to help him. He yelled, "Don't help me, I'm a big boy"! A sure sign to me that he's still my baby.
That I have my camera back!!!! YIPPEE! I am once again an independent blogger. I no longer have to whine and plead to my hubby to upload my photos from that other camera.
For sweet friends with kind words. Words...the best gift of all. Words last a lifetime. They can fill a heart with joy if used in a loving way. This week I have had a large dose of sweet words come my way. Thank you for all your beautiful comments.
And,Carol thanks for starting my morning off so sweetly!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Receptive Language... It's Coming!
I don't normally allow my kids to throw food on the floor, but if it's teaching Miss Emilia then I will gladly sacrifice a graham cracker now and then.
She is definitely understanding the game, and getting a kick out of it.
She is purposely dropping the cookie. I wished I had filmed the whole thing but I was so excited that she was playing along I forgot. Probably a good thing because the video is long enough.
Piggy Tail Club
Miss Emilia has officially joined the piggy tail club! I've been looking at all your sweets and their piggy tails for quite some time! One by one so many of you have been posting the accomplishment of the piggy. Miss Em has had the hair for it just not the temperament. Every time I would attempt the up doo (sp), she would resemble a wild, hissing cat.
Yesterday I just put my foot down. It was a struggle but the kid's got piggies!! Look how long her hair is!
Mission accomplished. Wait until I try to braid it!!!
And some lovely post piggy tail pictures.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Me and My Shadow
Emmie thinks she's the luckiest kid in town, because where ever she goes this other little friend is always there. Albeit a silent colorless friend, but loyal none the less.
Here she is going in for a closer look.
We went to music class yesterday and there is a long sunny hallway before we get to the music room. I had her walk it holding my hand. It took forever. Not because she was walking slowly, but because her little " friend" was with us again, and she had to keep stopping to wave at "her".
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
One Year Ago...
She is just really enjoying dinner! A bubble followed immediately!
One year ago today I became an official blogger! hehe . I just reread my first post "This is Us". I can't believe I wrote that a year ago.
It's been an emotional year. Ups and downs and all arounds! LOL
You all have been my life line, my shoulder to lean on, my go to people when I need a prayer, my how to people when I needed a "button". My Christmas card list got longer this year and my heart became fuller.
It is an absolute honor to travel this journey with each and everyone of you! And I am amazed at how incredibly close people can become without ever actually meeting. In the course of this year I have rejoiced in new births! Wished countless birthday blessings, and in the last few months, quite a few congratulations went out to all of the moms that are expecting new ones this year! I've prayed for you, I've laughed with you, and I have mourned with you.
Kindred spirits are you all.
I initially started this blog with the intent to help others. I know how lost I felt when we first found out about Emilia. There were no support groups looking for me. No comfort from the doctors. No one really knew how I felt... except all of you!
I never expected this blog to become so helpful to me.It is still my intentions to help others. I pray that God will guide the people who need to see my blog to me. It would be a wonderful thing to ease the fears of an expectant mother. I worried throughout my pregnancy and because of that all the joy was taken away from me. It didn't have to be that way.
So to all of you who have been with me from day one , Thank you!! To all the new friends I have made who actually find an interest in my blog and follow, thank you! To all of you who have fallen in love with my Emilia, thank you! To all of you that I follow and stumbled upon, thank you for sharing your lives with us. Thank you for making a difference!
And finally, thank you for welcoming me into this wonderful club!!! I don't know what I would do without each and every one of you! I truly mean that. You each bring something unique with you. I value every one of you, and am blessed to call you friends!
One year ago today I became an official blogger! hehe . I just reread my first post "This is Us". I can't believe I wrote that a year ago.
It's been an emotional year. Ups and downs and all arounds! LOL
You all have been my life line, my shoulder to lean on, my go to people when I need a prayer, my how to people when I needed a "button". My Christmas card list got longer this year and my heart became fuller.
It is an absolute honor to travel this journey with each and everyone of you! And I am amazed at how incredibly close people can become without ever actually meeting. In the course of this year I have rejoiced in new births! Wished countless birthday blessings, and in the last few months, quite a few congratulations went out to all of the moms that are expecting new ones this year! I've prayed for you, I've laughed with you, and I have mourned with you.
Kindred spirits are you all.
I initially started this blog with the intent to help others. I know how lost I felt when we first found out about Emilia. There were no support groups looking for me. No comfort from the doctors. No one really knew how I felt... except all of you!
I never expected this blog to become so helpful to me.It is still my intentions to help others. I pray that God will guide the people who need to see my blog to me. It would be a wonderful thing to ease the fears of an expectant mother. I worried throughout my pregnancy and because of that all the joy was taken away from me. It didn't have to be that way.
So to all of you who have been with me from day one , Thank you!! To all the new friends I have made who actually find an interest in my blog and follow, thank you! To all of you who have fallen in love with my Emilia, thank you! To all of you that I follow and stumbled upon, thank you for sharing your lives with us. Thank you for making a difference!
And finally, thank you for welcoming me into this wonderful club!!! I don't know what I would do without each and every one of you! I truly mean that. You each bring something unique with you. I value every one of you, and am blessed to call you friends!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Our Anniversary!
Oh Peter you should have ran for the hills!!! The ones in your homeland... Poland!!! LOL
Happy Anniversary to us!! 14 years today.
And still counting. Now that's something.
What were we thinking that day?
Were we thinking we'd have a houseful of crazy kids ,no money, and trials along the way that would turn your hair gray? Were we thinking there would be days that we were on our knees praying for the health of one of our children... there have been many nights like that with our sweets. Were you thinking that time would go by so fast? Were you thinking we would have such "grown up" decisions to make?
No I wasn't either.
I was thinking about our first dance together, and that I could call you my husband. I was thinking about the tiny apartment we would call our home. I was thinking about our honeymoon. I was thinking about how I never wanted to take my gown off, and how this was the day that I had waited for my whole life.
We were both surprised by real life... weren't we. It was a lot harder than we thought. but we are making it through! Together!!
And although our children do not in any way resemble the darlings from The Sound Of Music,as I thought they would. And our hills are not alive with the sound of music, they are alive with us, our family. They are alive with yelling and crying and arguing and praying and laughter, and LIFE!
Thank you Peter for taking the good and the bad for all these years.
Never forget that I love you! Happy Anniversary to the only man in the world that could love me and put up with me til death do we part!
* and yes it really was April when we were married. The pictures look more like January. Just my luck that in 1996 there was a freak snowstorm on April fools day! Killed everything pretty that was starting to bloom.
Happy Anniversary to us!! 14 years today.
And still counting. Now that's something.
What were we thinking that day?
Were we thinking we'd have a houseful of crazy kids ,no money, and trials along the way that would turn your hair gray? Were we thinking there would be days that we were on our knees praying for the health of one of our children... there have been many nights like that with our sweets. Were you thinking that time would go by so fast? Were you thinking we would have such "grown up" decisions to make?
No I wasn't either.
I was thinking about our first dance together, and that I could call you my husband. I was thinking about the tiny apartment we would call our home. I was thinking about our honeymoon. I was thinking about how I never wanted to take my gown off, and how this was the day that I had waited for my whole life.
We were both surprised by real life... weren't we. It was a lot harder than we thought. but we are making it through! Together!!
And although our children do not in any way resemble the darlings from The Sound Of Music,as I thought they would. And our hills are not alive with the sound of music, they are alive with us, our family. They are alive with yelling and crying and arguing and praying and laughter, and LIFE!
Thank you Peter for taking the good and the bad for all these years.
Never forget that I love you! Happy Anniversary to the only man in the world that could love me and put up with me til death do we part!
* and yes it really was April when we were married. The pictures look more like January. Just my luck that in 1996 there was a freak snowstorm on April fools day! Killed everything pretty that was starting to bloom.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Thankful Sunday on Monday
movie night
HMMM, there seems to be a pattern forming. Last week my thankful post was on Saturday and this week it's on Monday... the least thankful day of the week! LOL
Well regardless of the day it's here.
Right off the bat I'm thankful for a crazy, paranoid ,BEAUTIFUL friend who wonders "what's up"!
This one's for you K! I'm sure we have matching DNA! LOL
For the power of FB, alright power is a strong word, I know. But I found a very dear friend this week, actually a very dear family. I'm so excited to see them again!
Simply beautiful weather! We did have one rainy day, that made me twitch. It's going to take us Rhode islanders awhile to not freak every time it starts to rain.
And, The boy finally has something to call his own. T ball!! He had his first practice on Wednesday. When it was over he said " Mom that was so great, can I do it again next year" I was dying!! He thought it was over. You should have seen his face when I told him he would be back again on Sunday for another practice. PRICELESS!!!
And of course , my dumplings progress. Now that she has gotten a handle on walking and doesn't have to throw all her efforts in to it, I think her Speech is going to start improving. I can see where her receptive language is already better.
Have a great Monday!!
And be thankful for something ... or someone!
HMMM, there seems to be a pattern forming. Last week my thankful post was on Saturday and this week it's on Monday... the least thankful day of the week! LOL
Well regardless of the day it's here.
Right off the bat I'm thankful for a crazy, paranoid ,BEAUTIFUL friend who wonders "what's up"!
This one's for you K! I'm sure we have matching DNA! LOL
For the power of FB, alright power is a strong word, I know. But I found a very dear friend this week, actually a very dear family. I'm so excited to see them again!
Simply beautiful weather! We did have one rainy day, that made me twitch. It's going to take us Rhode islanders awhile to not freak every time it starts to rain.
And, The boy finally has something to call his own. T ball!! He had his first practice on Wednesday. When it was over he said " Mom that was so great, can I do it again next year" I was dying!! He thought it was over. You should have seen his face when I told him he would be back again on Sunday for another practice. PRICELESS!!!
And of course , my dumplings progress. Now that she has gotten a handle on walking and doesn't have to throw all her efforts in to it, I think her Speech is going to start improving. I can see where her receptive language is already better.
Have a great Monday!!
And be thankful for something ... or someone!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Defiant!!
One of the first signs I made sure I knew was "SIT". Why? Because Miss Em doesn't like to sit when she is supposed to. Like when she is in her highchair. Falling out would not be a good thing. She doesn't agree. She pushes it to the limit!
She has actually turned her back on me!!! As you can see in the picture above. She obviously thinks if she can't see me then I can't see her. She is completely ignoring my stern mommy voice as I repeatedly sign SIT!!!!! Defiance, at it's best?
And then this! I do believe she's mocking me! Or she realizes I will post this and just wants to make sure there's a good picture of herself.Waving to all her fans. What am I going to do with this monkey? It should have been straight to the corner... but, Liz and DH would not like that one bit. LOL
Oh this Dumpling lights my days with all the colors of the rainbow!
And her seat belt is as tight as I can possibly put it, she still wiggles herself out.
And I need to add, Miss Em shook her head last night..."NO"! Of course!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Mala Polska Dziewczynka
The title of this post is Little Polish Girl. What she is eating is called Golabki, which is stuffed cabbage. My mom makes it. One of Peter's favorites. And obviously one of Emilia's favorites too!
And yesterday during Em's ST she signed "more" over and over again. Her ST was blowing bubbles and when asked if she wanted more, Em would sign. I sat there with my mouth hanging open because I must sign"more" 1000 times a day and get nothing from Em.
Oh occasionally she'll humor us and respond but most of the time she just looks at us like we're crazy.
Then her ST rolled a small ball to her. Emilia rolled it back to her! Again and again and again!!!
I have come to the conclusion that my little imp knows a lot more than she's letting on. I am convinced she is storing all her accomplishments neatly in her head and offering them up slowly and deliberately.
I wonder what else she's not telling us!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Easter Pictures and Whipped Cream Shots!
Miss Em in church
Giving the royal wave
Andrew is so excited about his hair cut and new tie
Got an egg!!
We showed her once how to handle a whipped cream shot in your mouth, and she was hooked!
It's Easter , what the heck give her another whipped cream shot!
The lovely Miss Bella
Not too many words tonight. It's been a looooong day. Aniela is doing good, thank you so much for the prayers. Downstairs is drying, thanks again for all the prayers. My car is dead, please keep praying. I've pretty much had enough excitement this month and it's only the first week.
YIKES!!!!
Giving the royal wave
Andrew is so excited about his hair cut and new tie
Got an egg!!
We showed her once how to handle a whipped cream shot in your mouth, and she was hooked!
It's Easter , what the heck give her another whipped cream shot!
The lovely Miss Bella
Not too many words tonight. It's been a looooong day. Aniela is doing good, thank you so much for the prayers. Downstairs is drying, thanks again for all the prayers. My car is dead, please keep praying. I've pretty much had enough excitement this month and it's only the first week.
YIKES!!!!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Easter Sunday
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Thankful Sunday on Saturday
Image by Swamibu via Flickr
I know I'm a day early. But tomorrow is Easter and I most likely will not get a chance to post. And I really like to post my Thankfuls in the morning. These posts have really become important to me. Especially when you've had a lousy week or are feeling down. There really is Always , something to be thankful for. Even those itsy bitsy tiny things Jesus put in front of you. I guess you can either notice them and believe He is walking with you, or step on them in blindness, wondering why He left you alone. I choose to notice the small things.
So this week I am thankful for:
Seeing history in the making! Yes, our flood in now part of history.
We made it through much better than most people. Get this, our neighbor who is only a backyard away from us got two feet in their basement. Our sweet little house is placed in just the right spot, taking in about 3- 4 inches. We have to replace all our floors, don't ask me how, but we didn't loose our furnace or water heater.
So Thankful we did the room switch. If the kids had still had their bedrooms downstairs it would have been much worse. Can you imagine all the clothes and toys from three girls all over the place!!! I can't even think about it.
All my photo albums were safe on a shelf. I used to keep them under my bed!
Sunshine, blue skies and warm temps!!! Great for drying.
That flood or no flood, Easter will come!! And with it the promise of eternal life! It's almost impossible for me to comprehend that God himself, created me, wanted me in this world, and has a plan for me. He knows my name, He hears my prayers and concerns. He wants me to spend eternity with Him. That's amazing!
Have a super Saturday !!! And don't forget to be thankful about Something!!!!