Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Goodbye For Now, Sweet Girl..

When Putin signed into law the ban on Russian adoptions, I went into a tailspin. My Girl is in Russia. What the hell was he thinking! 

My plan was simple when I found Carina on Reece's Rainbow. 

1.Raise a lot of money for her.

2.Find her family.

I didn't have a plan B.

I definitely didn't have a plan for the freaking country closing down!

Anger filled every part of my body, including my heart. Which by the way, hurts like hell when it breaks. There is a physical pain involved.
 Some days it was impossible to take a deep breath.

My girl locked away in an institution, for the rest of her life because the leader of her country is a madman. 
There is no logical explanation.  He was pissed and he hit us where he knew it would hurt. He has no heart. And he has the blood of thousands of children on his hands. Because without Americans adopting them they will die!

I was angry, livid,  and blind with rage toward this man. 

Slowly, the anger turned to grief. A, real, strong and emotional grief.  This child that I love so much is locked away in a country that I am locked out of. I cannot save her.

There were small glimpses of hope that maybe the special needs orphans would be allowed to be adopted... but no, that was not to be. Then another small moment when we thought maybe the families already in the process of adopting would be allowed to finish up and bring their children home. Children they had already met and promised to come back for. But again... No!   was the answer.

And today Reece's Rainbow begins the very painful process of reallocating the funds of the Russian children to children waiting for families in other countries . All money I raised, with the help of my communities  for Carina. The giveaways and dress down days the bake sales and craft shows and Auctions and just plain begging. It raised 6,537.00 for her. But I couldn't find her mama in time. 

That was my gift to her. Money in her account. That was her hope. And today even that is gone.

And again, my heart much.

Reece's Rainbow is doing what needs to be done. Those girls there have a heart wrenching job of reallocating all this money from all the orphans. And my heart goes out to them. They love all these kids so much.

I can say with some joy that Carina's fund will go to two sisters and one other Sweet Dumpling that caught my eye. It will be their hope now.
My Carina, you will always have a piece of my heart. 

A dear friend gave me  much comfort by telling me, ours(Carina and me) was a Spiritual Adoption. God matched us because He knew what was coming and He knew I'd love her with a mama's heart.  

One day, I'll find you.Somehow, I'll find you. Til then Sweet Girl stay strong and safe and know you are loved.  


Lacey said...

My heart is breaking for you my friend, and me, and everyone else that is saying goodbye to these Angela! Especially my friends that were in the process and met their babies and have to leave them. I can't imagine meeting Arina and leaving her. There was a peanut from Russia that I've always had my heart on. Sweet Lily. So small, so sick. I always wanted to get her, but it just wasn't feasible for our family. I'm so heartbroken for that sweet girl!
Russia, you have no idea what you are doing to these children! Oh that's right, you don't care because you threw them away already!!

Rochelle said...

Sitting in tears reading this. I am thankful that you screamed from the mountaintops for her and I am still not giving up hope that Russia will reopen someday. I pray that she will be safe and that others can find their family with her funds. Love you

Line-Marie said...

I wonder why the money is being reallocated to children of other countries. What if a Canadian family noticed Carina and wanted to adopt her? Or any other Russian children? They could no longer use the funds raised for these children?

Stephanie said...

The reallocating of funds is heart wrenching but necessary.Canadians are not able to adopt from all regions in Russia and if someone were to come along they would have to be paper. Meaning everything done already. I don't even know if Carina's region is open to Canadians. it is very unlikely that something like that would happen. On the slight chance it did. I'd be right there raising the money again. And when Russia reopens I'll be there for her.

Jeana said...

Its so heartbreaking, so incredibly heartbreaking and wrong wrong wrong. Thinking of you and your girl and the many angels that will be denied their only chance at a family. Hugging my little Russian a little tighter.

Jane George said...

just broke my heart reading this xxx