Wednesday, May 20, 2009

What a Difference a Year Makes

May 21st, 2008
May 21st, 2009

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One year ago today , it was a beautiful spring day. One year ago today the kids went off to school like every other day. One year ago today I was four months pregnant,and my world came crashing down (temporarily). On May 21,2008 I went for a level 2 u/s, that was the day Peter and I heard the words Down Syndrome for the first time. Suddenly, that beautiful day was gone, replaced by darkness and fear, actually complete panic. For the next five months our lives were filled with mixed emotions, really good days and far too many bad days. I remember sitting there as the doctor was explaining an echogenic bowel (that was the soft marker seen on the u/s) to us, thinking, is he really talking to us? So many insane thoughts were running through my head. I thought, "see, this is where greed gets you, you couldn't be happy with the kids you already had ...just had to have one more." I was a mess, I wasn't being logical. Of course God would not punish us for wanting another child....how ridiculous! I would pull myself together for a while, then loose it again. I carried the u/s picture with me in my handbag, I would look at it everyday and think how can such a beautiful baby be anything less than perfect and healthy? I could see from the u/s picture that the baby(we didn't know if Em was a boy or girl) had Sophia's chin... it was soooo obvious. Everything looked perfect. "Perfect" to me meant, without DS. Being born healthy, to me meant, without DS. What a difference a year makes! My perfect, healthy baby, with DS is a treasure beyond all treasures. A blessing to our whole family, and a lesson in "perfection".

15 comments:

Denise said...

That's beautiful Stephanie....and so similar to what I think we have all gone through. Inital fear to absolute, unconditional love!!!

Emily said...

Oh I just loved reading that. Our sweet ones are PERFECT! You just never truly know that until you hold them in your arms for the first time. What little treasures!

Michelle said...

I can so totally relate to your feelings of having more kids. I felt the same way and still do at times. I think I've done this, this is my fault...

You are so right, your daughter and all of your children are beautiful and perfect, in their own special ways.

Denise said...

Come on out west....we would love to have you here. I am waiting for my friend in RI to email me back with what city she lives in. I like how you said that everything is right down the street.

Ruby's Mom said...

Beautiful post!

Lacey said...

wow, are you glad you knew before she was born? I didn't know and I'm glad I didn't. I wouldn't have wanted the worry that you guys had. when he was born I could tell imediatly he was downs, but for some reason it didn't bother me at all.

stephanie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeana said...

Your daughter is so beautiful, and so are the rest of your children. Thank you so much for the comforting words and prayers.

Rebecca said...

Beautiful post! Your little Emmie is so wonderfully made & perfect in His eyes :>)

Heather said...

I too just wrote a comment a poof .... gone!! Thank you for you email.Thank you for your friendship.It is a treasure beyond words.Just like these little loves.Beautiful post Steph.Beautiful Em.Beautiful world because of the presence of these perfect children.I tell everyone that Zoey was what we were waiting for all of our lives.I have long ago let go of the guilt and know for certain that this is,like you is just the way it was suppose to be all along.

My name is Sarah said...

This is Joyce. Such a beautiful post. And an adorabale picture.

scrappy quilter said...

What a precious post. Your little one is perfect. She is beautiful as are your other children.

Jill said...

isn't it simply amazing that so many mothers have experienced similar emotions, circumstances and fears...and yet here we all are-proclaiming the same unified message to the world. Our children are a blessing we could not have ever imagined. A well of abundant joy we never knew existed. Thank you for sharing your story! Your daughter is so lovely :)

Kele said...

Beautiful post... and BEAUTIFUL Emilia!

Bea, OT said...

Yes! A year can make a huge difference! Perfection can be redefined through our children!

Loved the heart in this post!