Sunday, December 12, 2010

Something's Changed, Part2

Here I sit again in my quiet, still dark house, trying to collect my thoughts and finish up yesterday's post. It seems I have thoughts scattering in every direction.  I don't know if I can gather them all and convey them into words.  

I left off yesterday, (if you'd didn't see yesterday's post you can catch up here) thinking God wanted more from me than my current roll of wife, mother and special needs advocate. I didn't quite know what He wanted. 

I knew what I wanted! And what Peter wanted! I know what the kids want! We all want to adopt. We want to rescue a Little  Love from Reece's Rainbow, we want to rescue a Little Love through domestic adoption, We're even open to Foster Parenting! 

Any child without a family, from anywhere! But we can't. We don't meet the financial requirements! Big Surprise, LOL 
So why dear God would you give us all the same desire set it on fire and leave . Why would you put us in a situation where all we want to do is help and we can't! Simple, He wouldn't and He didn't!
Any desire planted by God will not be in vain! It is up to YOU to water and tend to it! Then it will flourish and grow.

 Should we tend to these desires that seem impossible? Aren't we just setting ourselves up for heartbreak and disappointment? I mean we cannot adopt. But we can do other things. Not every one who advocates and supports adoption is able to actually adopt. We can still do something. We can pray, spread the word, fund raise.  Whatever we can do it is more than doing nothing.  

There has been a lot of praying, and fasting, and listening.

The constant and resounding answer has been, " it will come, It's almost time".   

And I am so excited!  Let me tell you, I have to listen very closely to hear God speak. And I do request that He please speak loud and clear as I am not one to pick up on subtle hints.  So what do those words mean to me? Those words that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt are from God?

They mean Hope!
They mean Yes, You are on the right path!
Yes, you are doing what I have called you to do!
Yes I am with you!
Yes I see what you are going through and it is all part of my Plan! 
Yes, stay close to the orphan!
And with these words came the most amazing vision, (in my mind, I didn't actually see this in my living room) A most beautiful vision of me walking in this long dark tunnel with no exits or side tunnels, just straight and pitch dark (that's accurate of life right now) and then suddenly in front of me, without warning, a door flies open and this unbelievable, bright but not blinding light, bursts into the tunnel and engulfs me. And it's only around me, the rest of the tunnel behind me, really isn't there anymore. The light is around me and in front of me.

OK and I know some of you may be thinking I'd better get things in order because that sounds like I'm about to meet my maker, and it really is almost over LOL

But , no, no, that's not the feeling I ever got. What it means to me is, the tunnel is the difficult times we have been walking through the past few years.  It's been long and I couldn't see where I was going a lot of the time. but there were no turns, I had to walk straight. I had to keep my faith and not deviate from the path. I could not turn any other way.  Every step in that tunnel was necessary, for without just one of those steps I would never had made it to the light. 

I do hope this is not anti climatic for you!  But for me it's unbelievable. I know I'm doing what God wants from me. I know there will be obstacles in my way. But I know we will be blessed. It's an incredible feeling to know really know why you are here. And it's all come together, for all of us, as a family, which is the most beautiful part. We all are on board. Every step in that tunnel has a story, a moment all it's own that led us to where we are right now. And to be able to see that and have just a glimpse of it and an understanding of it, just blows me away. I could write a book on just, the passage through the tunnel. I am in awe of God.  He has brought me to my knees this week. 

And we're still in a mess. We have a looong way to go.  But, we will stay close to the orphans and through God anything is possible. Who am I to put limitations on God.
God has given me a great gift.  I know how the story ends.  I've seen the door fly open, and the light come bursting in.

And Olga's account update, $6,258!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


LizBeth said...

Isn't it wonderful! I know this will help the right family to adopt her. I'm glad God placed this on your heart. ~Liz

Scrappy quilter said...

I've watched you grow and change and it's been so exciting to see has a friend. I know your time is's coming my friend. Just keep on the path and follow the dream God has given you. And that total, I'm believing for it to go to $20,000. Hugs and love

my family said...

how amazing He is! Wow 6,000+ how wonderful, can wait to see who will be adopting this doll, they will have to begin blogging if the dont already b/c she has such a huge family who care so much about her as it is :)

Sophia said...

HA! April, I think on of the requirements to adopt Olga is you must have a blog!!

stephanie said...

That comment from Sophia was really me. I didn't realize she was still signed in!

Tina said...

I had just been on RR before checking in here and was amazed, thrilled and so excited to see Olga's 6258,- I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. Yes God is great and Olga will find her family soon I just know it how can she not.

Rochelle said...

Anti climatic are you kidding? That is so amazing and wonderful. I totally agree with you, whatever God calls us to do he WILL provide the resources and the skills needed to accomplish it if we only have faith.
I love when God speaks and we are actually quiet enough to hear it! Will keep praying for your journey dear friend!
hugs & ♥

Zoey's mom said...

You and your family are doing amazing things for not only Olga but for all of these precious children.You are God's instrument in His plan and that you answered is calling,His nudging is inspiring.

The number of children we have inquired about continues to rise.I wonder if our time will come or perhaps,we like you are meant to do God's work on this side of it?Hard for me to tell... our entire family is on board except a certain patriarch that shall remain nameless.In fact ... Taylor checks RR from Switzerland and she was hoping to see our name on a Forever Family found posting ... as her Christmas present.Oh how I wish.

Lacey said...

If you don't meet the requirements for RR, you can still be foster parents, and finding foster parents for special needs can be hard. I would look into it girl. Your doing a fantastic job raising awareness of these angels!

Melissa M said...

You don't have to adopt to make a difference, as you have proved! We are another family where a certain patriach is hesitant. It's frustrating when it's not the finances, but the fact that hubby and I aren't on the same page...I'd appreciate any prayers!

The VW's said...

Love, Big Hugs and Smiles!!!