Thursday, January 27, 2011

Logical or Faithful

I'm sitting here snowed in...again, and I'm thinking about Miss Brigitta and Nellie and of course Olga. I'm thinking that my brain hurts from thinking. My faith needs to take over where logic just isn't working. Here's Olga, perfectly healthy, with a boatload of money in her account and no family yet. Miss Brigitta is sitting in the worst possible place right now. Her account has been pooled with the other girls who are 6+ years old and it's a race to see who gets the money. First one with a family wins. What the hell do you pray for in this situation? And Nellie is following in Brigitta's footsteps. All beautiful, all worthy of love and a family, yet nothing.
Then there's our family who would scoop up all three girls and love them with our whole hearts. There are so many families out there who want these children and don't qualify for some reason. Then there are so many families who do qualify but don't want these children. There is no logic in this! Why ! Why does God put the desire and want into the hearts of the people who cannot rescue these children? Why does He break our hearts for what breaks His if we are unable to help?

Sometimes raising money and spreading the word and prayers do not get a child a home.Logically, all this should work, and the child should be adopted.
When this doesn't happen, what does it mean? Does it mean we failed, or that it's God's will? When a beautiful innocent child is treated worse than an animal and sent to an institution because no family will take them, how do you deal with it? How do you not become bitter?

To me Brigitta and Nellie and Olga look like Princesses. To most of the world they are perceived as a burden, and at best pitied. This makes me bitter and mad and nauseous.
I know God doesn't always go the logical route, if He did then miracles would not be miracles. God has His own set of rules and timetable, and plans. I think my problem is, I try relentlessly to wrap my brain around what He is doing. I try to jump ahead and figure it out. I have a habit of reading the last page of a book first. Always trying to see the ending before the beginning. But there is no last page here, God has no ending. The story is never over. There is no logic in that, just blind faith. Faith to trust a God who doesn't care about logic, and is unpredictable and spontaneous. A God who loves these children more than we could ever imagine loving them. A God who has our and their best interests at heart... ALWAYS. A God who although won't tell us the ending, will walk beside us during the journey. A God who will carry us when we feel we can't go on, and A God who will comfort us when our hearts are breaking, because His is breaking too.


Bulldogma said...

Passion and compassion. We have something to be passionate about. No - it's not fair. Life isn't fair, but we have to hold on to faith that He has a plan. It hurts when we can't save them all, yet if there were no darkness, the world could not *know* light.


I know how you feel!

Lacey said...

I will admit, I am again wondering where God is in Jaxsons life, and these other children like Olga!
Having a rough time believing right now and trying to be strong!

Runningmama said...

As far as God seems sometimes, I am comforted by the fact that He will never leave me or forsake me...just as He will never leave or forsake these children. I have often tried to "figure out" God and then I realize I am putting Him in a box with my ideas, hopes, and deepest desires and in his infinite wisdom, power, and grace, he has no limits, no bounderies and He's just too big to even begin to understand. All we can do is what He asks of us even if the result is not what we wanted, we have been odedient and we just have to know that he takes care of His part without fail. Stephanie, you are doing what He asks and he is smiling down on you wishing more of His children would be obedient...keep on doing it, you never know what is around the corner...but He does!

patsy said...

so beautifully written...and yes HE is always there :)

Scrappy quilter said...

I don't understand it all either. However I do know it's okay to question Him, it's okay to want some answers. He may not give them us, yet it's okay for us to feel as we do. However, we need to leave the bitterness behind because if we don't, we aren't trusting God to do His plan and we only are hurting ourselves and those around us. Steph I know it's hard...I feel angry at times too. He gave all of us a free will and He won't force anyone to adopt. We need to let Him do the BIG work...we do the praying and fasting. You keep doing what He is asking you to do. That's all He wants from you.

Until He returns there will always be injustices in the world....these orphans are big ones. Our hearts need to continue to advocate for them and pray!!

On a side note - guess who else always reads the last page of a book!! My family think I'm the only one who does that!! Hugs and love

Rochelle said...

Our thinking is not God's thinking.
God put orphans on your heart for a reason. You are a wonderful advocate!!!
Look how many other people's eyes you have opened and informed about RR and these children. And look how many children ARE being adopted everyday. Maybe we can't save each one but, we can continue to change our hearts and work for God and He will do the rest.
I love your heart dear friend, you know you have changed our hearts!

Patti said...

No answers here, either. I've contemplated parachuting in and getting Olga myself! Of course at 3 in the morning...
Off topic- can you send me a pic of Em for my slideshow?? Pretty please??

Julia said...

I'm with you in your struggle. WE serve a Loving God. We also live in a fallen world. Those two facts cause much unrest in our hearts as we reconcile the evil and sin of this world and yet have the Holy Spirit whispering us to step out of our sin and selfishness and rescue the fallen. We are working alongside the King of Kings. Kind of like the picture of the little toddler with his baby shovel. Both working side by side. Only one who is really doing any work - yet the love between the two.... the joy of the Father to the son. The willingness of the Father to let the son believe that his efforts are truly making a difference. God gave the message of salvation to a bunch of toddlers. What a picture! Thankfully we have a God who carries the load. So we holler - we fight - we do what we can. He'll take care of the big pile of snow in the driveway!

Tina said...

Oh Stephanie I couldn't agree more with what you have written. It is so hard for us mere mortals to understand Gods plan, but he sure has one. I also so understand and feel with you when you say how those of us who desperately want these children and would do anything to have them home with us to love and cherish like our very own don't qualify to do so, we have all this love to give and yet we aren't allowed to. Just sit back and watch, its so frustrating and it makes me angry too. Just read about another little RR girl Sandra having earned her angel wings, I am so so sad it hurts physically, just looking into that little girls eyes and knowing she never felt the love of a family, oh it just hurts so bad. But yes God has a plan and we need to trust Him on it as hard as that might be and as senseless at times.

Melissa M said...

Brigetta, Olga and Nellie are princesses and they deserve for everyone to be able to see their beauty.