Saturday, March 26, 2011

If I Didn't Have Em...

When I found out the baby I was carrying had Down syndrome,I immediately thought of all the things I wouldn't be able to do anymore. In my mind, my life had just ended and all the joy was gone. I don't exactly know what I thought I would become. I think I had a sad, sorry , pathetic picture of myself carrying around a sad , sorry pathetic child, with my sad, sorry and pathetic family trailing behind. I know there's a lot of drama here. Believe me there was a lot of drama in the last five months of my pregnancy.

Well obviously that's not the case. No sad , sorry or pathetic people here.

Which got me to thinking today, what if I didn't have Em. What would I be doing? How would my life be different?

Miss Em, by just bursting onto the scene, has managed to so delightfully turn my world upside down. If I didn't have Em, I'm 100% sure the stress of our present condition would have sent me over the edge.
If I didn't have Em, I would not be on the Board of Directors for the DSSRI.

If I didn't have Em, than the words Reece's Rainbow would mean nothing to me.

If I didn't have Em, I would still feel sorry for people with Down syndrome.

If I didn't have Em, a blog would be a foreign object to me.

If I didn't have Em, I wouldn't bat an eye at myself or anyone else who used the R word.

If I didn't have Em, I wouldn't have said a million prayers for children I will never meet.

If I didn't have Em, I wouldn't think everyday how much cancer sucks!

If I didn't have Em, I'd have fewer laugh lines.

If I didn't have Em, I wouldn't have all of you.

If I didn't have Em, my faith would not be where it is today.

If I didn't have Em, my world would still be missing colors.

Seems like all the things I feared I'd never be able to do again, I probably never did in the first place, because nothing seems missing. My greatest fear was that I'd never be happy again. Now THAT sounds pretty sad, sorry and pathetic!


Denise said...

Love, love, love!! I think you could have written those exact words for me!! Oh, and in regards to you NEVER posting pictures of yourself, how will I know who you are on that day that I finally get back to RI and you come to pick me up at the airport :)

Rochelle said...


Lori said...

Beautiful post, Stephanie! So well said =)

I have to laugh at Denise's comment about no pictures of you. When we came to your house, I had no idea what you looked like, and was praying I got the right place =) Post some pictures -- you are beautiful!

Bulldogma said...

What an awesome post! I can totally identify.

Scrappy quilter said...

You made me cry. Sent you an e-mail. Love ya

LizBeth said...

We don't call them special kids for no reason! ~Liz

the three wise menn said...

I think about this often too. How many great people and life lessons I would hvae missed out on if things had gone differently.
It brings about a whole different kind of thankfulness. :)


Zoey's mom said...

Some luck lies in not getting
what you thought you wanted
but getting what you have,
which once you have got it
you may be smart enough to see
it is what you would have wanted
had you known....
~ Garrison Keillor

This,this says it all,doesn't it?

Zoey's mom said...

oh and this one too ...

“It is only by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life.
Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. The very cave you are afraid to enter
turns out to be the source of what you were looking for” ~ Joseph Campbell

Love you my friend and that beautiful Em!

Patti said...

So very true- you nailed it all for me as well. Love you, Steph!

Michelle said...


Mom Of Many said...

You have got to make that picture your header. It is absolutely adorable...and everytme I see your Em I smile...


If you DIDN"T have Em I wouldn't have smiled that many times...

I love your Em and I love you...Thank you for sharing Em and your family with the world...we are all so blessed by her and you!! xoxo {one each for you and Em}

Melissa said...

Yes! Just yes to every single word.