Friday, March 25, 2011

A Myriad of Beads... and Emotions

Eight days away from blogging and what brings me back? A gift for Em. Beads! Wonderful, shiny, colorful,beads!! And might I add, Absolute Authentic Mardi Gras Beads, straight from Louisiana! Thank you April for sharing your treasure with us!!!

All decked out.

Emmie is delighted with her new found treasure.

Feels great on the hands too!

With all the sadness in blogland lately I have to admit I've had a heavy heart. I just couldn't bring myself to write about anything. Even WDSD came and went and there was silence at Daily Smiles. Bloggers Block? I don't know.

The old saying "When it rains it pours" is so very true. It's pouring in our lives right now.

I've been torn between posting about Em which is what this blog was created for, advocating for orphans and their families, which is what this blog has matured into, or just throwing in the towel.

I felt like I had begun to live three separate lives.

A happy mother of a special needs child, wanting to spread the joy of Down syndrome to everyone.

An advocate, for the ones with no voice, the meekest and mildest of all creatures.

A scared wife and mother trying to hold it all together, as the pieces just keep tumbling down.

I started this blog to share Em with the world, to hopefully help someone walking on the same path I am and to make it easier for them. I never expected it to become anything else. Then along came Reece's Rainbow and honestly how could it not become a place to advocate for these little ones. I guess what I wasn't ready for was the myriad of emotions that advocating would bring with it. I started to feel guilty for posting happy times with Em when there were families fighting for the lives of there children so far away. Then I felt I was overwhelming people by posting about orphans so much. I noticed that no one, or very few people, would even read the posts about the orphans. Throw all that together with a slightly crazed and immensely stressed out life at the moment, and I guess you have a recipe for disaster. I couldn't write. Not a single syllable. I tried, but I was a complete blank.
I've been hanging around FB where all you need is one line, and I'm kind of enjoying it. I've had FB for a while but never really got in to it. I think I like there.

But this is where my heart is, and I missed it. So pity party over! What this blog will NEVER be is a place to complain(well maybe once in awhile). This is my blog, my thoughts my words my heart. It's about my daughter with Down syndrome, my family, my beliefs, and my passions.

I will write what I feel is in my heart. I will not impose any guilt on myself, and I will not be offended if you do not read or comment on something. I cannot please everyone and that's not my goal.

If in any way you have been touched by something posted here, then hooray! If you look at people with Down syndrome differently because of Emmie than, Yippee!! If your heart is a little bigger and more open to adoption because of a Dumpling you read about here, than my heart is happy!! And if you have left here with a smile on your face, even just once, well... my goals have been exceeded!

And Daily Smiles is doing just what I want it to do.


Rochelle said...

You know we ♥ you and love your heart for ds and orphans.
You know our lives have forever been changed and we are thankful!

Hugs sweet friend!

Denise said...

We are anxiously awaiting our beads in the mail too. They look so much fun...maybe we will get ours in the mail today :) As for all the rest of your stuff..I so get it!! I have been torn between having nothing to blog about (which is a good thing) and being overwhelmed with what to write about the orphans. I almost picked up the phone right now to call you but then thought of the time difference and figured you are picking up kids and doing the after school run around now. Maybe we can finally chat this weekend.

Carrie said...

Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to blog (or fb either!) there are so many things swirling around in my head...and so many things that are important to me, that sometimes I feel hurt that other people don't want to read about it or comment on it (or DO something about it!) so I just don't blog anything at all. Sounds like some of what you go through too! Big hugs to you and thank you for all of the wonderful things that you do!

Becca said...

Ooooh!! I saw your post and ran out to the mailbox, and sure enough, there was a box waiting for Miss Samantha!! Got some pics to put up on my blog now, too. :-) Em looks like she's having a great time with them!

Btw, I sometimes feel guilty posting fluff on my blog when there's so much else that needs attention. Your blog has been such a wonderful source of entertainment, information and advocacy. Thank you for having such a big heart.

Patti said...

AMEN to all those feelings!! I've felt every single one of them. Add hateful critics to the mix -who analyze your motives, giveaways and words- and you've got the recipe for disaster. And then add "friends" who unfriend you or ignore you because you make a stand about something you believe firmly in...friends who say they support the same causes you do, but just can't bring themselves to judge all takes it's toll. And yes, I'm venting in your lil' ole comment section!
ALL THAT TO SAY----DON'T GIVE UP!!!!! I love you, I'm with you, I'm praying for you- the devil doesn't kick a dead dog!! We must be doing something right!!!!

Helle said...

Well... I for one (out of many!!) am so happy to hear from you again. And although I am certain that lots of people enjoy your blog, the most important thing is that you enjoy it yourself, no guilt allowed ;-)

I love your pics and stories about Emmie. She's so precious!

Bloggers block might occur to anyone once in a while, but I really hope you bounce back every single time!

Michelle said...

I have missed you immensely. I'm glad you are going to keep your blog. It does absolutely make me smile everytime I see Em's sweet face. You have a gift for writing and I'm glad you are back!! I love the beads and
how much SHE is loving them!! yippeeee~!

patsy said...

you are doing a wonderful thing opening eyes and raising awareness for these sweet children...and spreading smiles with your sweet emmie. watching her laugh definitely made me smile today :) praying you keep doing what you are doing...

Scrappy quilter said...

You know I'm there for you no matter what. I don't have a FB account, won't ever have one. My blog started out quilting and like you went to advocating. I'm doing both. You do it so well...don't stop because others won't comment or drop off your blog. They are a dime a are one in a MILLION. Hugs

Zoey's mom said...

Love you friend.since I said most in my email,I'll leave it at that!

Lacey said...

So sorry your going through the blues right now! Arina would go crazy with those beads! She loves to shake them and listen to the sound they make!

Shelly said...

I LOVE your blog and love that you advocate for the many kids out there! It is not in vain, and God has laid these kids on your heart for a reason! You have inspired me to think more deeply and pray for these little ones. It's so hard to not want to go out and save them all, and one way you are helping is by advocating for them!
I love reading about Emmie and glimpsing into your life, as this is all so very new to us! Your blog gives me alot of encouragement!
Praying that things look up for your family. I can relate... haven't shared on my blog, but we are in the midst of many storms, as well, wondering where we are going to land in the midst of it all! God has been faithful and will continue to be, and I just have to keep remembering that!

stephanie said...

Oh Em your so rich!Can you give me some GOLD!

Love you favorite sister Bella

Tina said...

I so get what you are saying, I have been having a blogging draught right now and I wonder if anyone will ever read my blog again considering I have been away so long. There is so much happening outside of my world especially with the orphans, I feel so torn and it's true sometimes I wonder if what I have to blog about is even worthy. But I intend to be back, Saira is doing so much she is growing and I don't want to stop talking about her, this is the best journal I have. So hopefully will come up with a post soon.

Btw the beads look wonderful, they would probably all be shoved in Sairas mouth in a split second!

Robin E. said...

I love your blog so much! It is one of the first ones I check everyday. I tend to be more of a lurker than commenter because so often all I want to say is, ""Amen," and "So cute!". Not very insightful or original. Maybe that's not the point, though. Being so amazed by the courage and creativity of you guys who put yourselves out there to write, I probably underestimate the value of comments to support and keep your spirits up.

I really want to say, though, that the way your blog shows happy, sweet, beautiful Miss Em, and contrasts that situation with the plight of these equally lovable, but unfortunate and rejected orphans is, to my mind, perfect. There really is still a lot of ignorance out there about DS. I was just recently telling my husband it's not going to be like it was in the future where developmentally disabled adults "have to" be kept at the margins of society just because their parents didn't know what to do, didn't know what was possible, or have the resources to help them be all they could be. Because parents now, like you, and countless others aren't afraid. And that will help others not to be afraid. I really believe that. What you do on your humble blog is important. Of course, everybody needs a break now and then! All the bad news has taken it's toll on everyone.

Please know that even if you quit today (which I really hope you don't!...) your efforts have made BIG differences in peoples' lives. Just wait til we all see Olga home, happy and loved like sweet Emmie! Hugs from a loyal, if perhaps a bit too quiet, supporter.

cathy said...

so very honest....we continue on


Scott said...

Stephanie, I am visiting your blog because Patti linked to it. I understand your emotions because I feel them too. They are also a subject of discussion between my wife, my daughter, and myself. So much joy, yet so much pain. So many to advocate for. Does it really do any good? How do you pray? What does prayer accomplish? How can we not do more...

I find myself to be a bit unique in this circle I am blogging in. I am a guy, a grandfather, writing posts in a world that is mostly moms. Yet, here is where I find my passion. I started blogging after my granddaughter, Reagan, was born (with Ds). I started reading these blogs because of my daughter, and I realised that I had some things to say, some 'Notes from "Papa"', some of which are unique because of seeing things from a few more years of experience.

Do not feel guilty. There is a need for both the happy posts and the advocating posts. There is a need for balance, and it is OK if you get it wrong. This is where I insert a recommendation for the movie "Shadowlands" about the life of C. S. Lewis. I blog and I post on FB and if anyone wants to unfriend me because they don't like what I have to say, I won't be losing any sleep over it...

“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”. Abraham Lincoln

Lori said...

You are right - you cannot please everyone. This is your blog so you should post whatever is in your heart.

And, please don't take offense to my lack of commenting. I have been trying to cut down on my computer time because there were too many things that need my attention around the house. And that has resulted in me being so far behind on reading and commenting on other people's blogs. But know, yours is one of the first blogs I check in on. Depending on how much time I have - sometimes I read and comment, sometimes I read quickly, and sometimes I just peek at pictures. But know that all your advocating for RR is wonderful and appreciated. We have a new name/face to pray for each night at devotions in our house thanks to you =)

Love you!!

Melissa said...

First of all, I love the beads! Claire would have a heyday with those. We have a couple of strands from a cajun boil and they are a favorite toy.

As to the posts, I struggle sometimes too. I don't think many people, hubby included, really have any idea how much RR has touched my heart. When I advocate I hear silence too and I've stayed away from it lately, but that doesn't feel right either.

I had a coffee with a friend and she she asked about Kirill's story from links I'd posted on FB and I realized that FB and our blogs really are touching those who aren't in our community. She wouldn't have heard about the story otherwise, and that has strenthened my resolve to advocate for those who don't have a voice.