Saturday, October 3, 2009

The Very Beginning


This is probably the last thing we did as a family before Emilia was born. We went apple picking, it was the end of September, 2008 right after Olivia's birthday party, and no Lacey we do not have our own orchard. Although that is my husbands dream. Anyway you can see how pregnant I am in this picture. There is a smile on my face but such confusion in my heart. There was always a dark cloud following me around. If I was having a good time like in this picture I would suddenly remember" Hey your life is coming to an abrupt end, you can't be happy". And boy would that thought bring on a mood! Usually a poor me meltdown. I had some real whoopers. The unknown is a scary place, and even though I had a very supportive husband and friends I felt like no one really knew what I was going through. I was the one carrying this baby, I was the one who felt her move, I was the one dealing with doctors who I swear couldn't stand seeing me hang on to any hope. (that's another post, I have to stretch this out all month). ME, ME ME. It's all about me, right? OH no princess it's not all about you!(who said that?) The sooner I figured that out the better off everyone was. But I didn't figure that out until the day before Emilia was born, October 21st. I thought this would be my last doctors appointment, my due date was Oct 24th.It was a beautiful morning, I remember dropping the kids at school and heading straight to the doctors, thankful for an early morning appointment. Get in, get out, get on with my day. But something was wrong...

9 comments:

Lacey said...

Dang, I was going to come over and pick some. Ya, not like I really eat apples. For some reason I don't really like them, my boys love them though. So do our turtles :)

LizBeth said...

Nothing is ever the same, again, is it? But it's not the end of the world like many people think.

Michelle said...

I like to hear things from the beginning...seems as though most of our beginning sound so much the same...different chains of events, but so many of the very same feelings, very same emotions! It is a fear I am not sure anyone else would understand unless they felt it, but you are right...'its all GOOD'! :) Little did we know, eh!

scrappy quilter said...

This is going to be one beautiful story because you have one beautiful little princess. I'm going to so enjoy reading this story. Thanks for sharing it with us...hugs

scrappy quilter said...

btw I just seen your heading picture. I know I say this often however it's priceless!!

Emily said...

I love to read everyone's stories! I'm excited to hear your journey!

Chris said...

Stephanie, I am so looking forward to hearing your story from the beginning. Of course, I have my tissue box ready. This post along brought back some of my own feelings. I didn't have a prenatal diagnosis--just a feeling that something was wrong--then at 34 weeks, we learned that something most likely was wrong--they just didn't know what. Nothing has been the same since. You go through every emotion.

Oh, and thanks for you donation to the Romp for Research! Have a blessed Sunday.

Mom Of Many said...

S,
I am sooo glad you are telling Em's story. I deeply appreciate your honesty and vulnerability.

Your treasure is so beautiful...I'm sure it's hard to imagine what you were so scared about, ya' know?

xo
Linny
PS Did you mention apples? =)

Kele said...

It is always difficult for me to hear "the beginning" of peoples journey, I get very emotional. Regardless of being well past those dark 'beginning' momments of mine, it still stirs emotions.
I can relate so very well to your feelings in those first hours.