Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Extreme Venting!

Right now I feel like I'm about to pop! So if you all don't mind I'm going to let off some steam! If you mind then maybe this post isn't for you.

Come back another day when I have something fluffy and cute to post about.

This girls time is running out! Carina is turning four next month. Four years and no one has ever asked about her! 


Why because she's not smiling? Well seriously people, do you think she looks like that all the time? Can't you use your imagination and just see her gorgeous smile, the twinkle in her eye? 

My head hurts from trying to think of ways to make everyone see what I see when I look at her. 

She is a stunning beauty!

She has over 4000.00 in her account. 

She is perfect. Damn it why is she still waiting!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I picked  Carina, to be a Reece's Rainbow Warrior  for, I really thought she's be scooped up quickly. In November when I chose her, I really thought that by April, she would be well on her way home. 

I NEVER thought she's still be sitting , and waiting and not even have one inquiry!!!

This pisses me off! Why are people looking past her? Has anyone ever even lingered at her photo??

And you know what else kind of gets me in a tither! Why in the hell did God go and turn my heart into mush for these kids when I cannot do  damn thing for them!!!! 
Why did He let me fall in love with children I can never have, never hold. And on top of it I cannot even financially do squat for them because we are barley keeping  a roof over our heads!

God asks too much sometimes! He expects too  much!

I'm so freaking mad today!

If we qualified Carina would be coming home! And Samantha and Kristina! 

I'm sick of hearing people say,"I wish I could do something" 
When I hear that, it seriously makes me want to throw up!!!!!

Then get off your a$$ and do something! Anything is better than nothing! Can you write, can you form words , than you can do something!!!! Write , blog, make an effort! Don't just "wish" you could do something.  


That's why you are still breathing!!! 
God's not ready for you yet, because you still have something to do!!!! 

 And believe me I'm not speaking to any one in particular! No one I know has gotten me into this mood. So please don't take this post personally! Just pretend we're  out having coffee... or something stronger! You can even add your thoughts. I'm just venting to the only friends who understand! 
Because that's another thing!   

NO ONE FREAKIN GETS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No one wants to hear it! 
My husband gets it, but that poor thing , "get's it " from me every day!  He deserves a break.

What do people do if the subject comes up? I get ... "Oh those poor babies", then in the next breath, " Oh, guess what I just bought   (that I spent too much money on and don't really need and will end up in the back of my closet, but sorry I can't donate right now, because we're saving money to spend on more things we don't need and will never use) Kiss kiss bye, bye, talk to you later,let me know if I can help, love you! "

More vomit!

And no I'm not against buying things! And I'm not judging people who do.I love shopping! What makes me crazy is that those are  usually the people who won't part with five dollars, because they  just can't afford it. But they have a carload of crap they just bought at the mall, and are making plans to go out for dinner. 
I hate that!!!!!


I think the throbbing in my head is subsiding.  I'm still ticked but I so needed this venting session!

If you stuck with me to the end, thanks. I really didn't expect anyone to read all the way through. I really just needed to get this all off my chest. 

The only ones home right now are Andrew, Emmie and the cat. And I wasn't going to hold their attention with any of this.

I guess everyone has days like this. I have many but usually can shake it off. But sometimes that crazy Italian blood I've got starts to boil.  Ok, lots of times! But Peter is usually around to use as a punching bag.

Thanks for rolling with me today!

And please say a quick prayer for Carina. I know at any second God can move all mountains and bring her home! There is always hope, I just don't want her to see the inside of an institution, not even for a second!  



Jane@flightplatformliving said...

Gosh I thought I'd clicked on Daily Smiles and yet all I find is a are me! hugs,she is beautiful and you have my prayers for her xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ellie said...

I'm sorry, but I clicked over here from FB and you may get even more mad at what I am about to say but maybe I need to vent too. I tried to do something, we committed to Carmen and started the homestudy and then because of a certain person in our lives, we had to stop the process. We fully intend to start again when this issue is resolved. I donate to her FSP, and to some of the families. I just have to say that this type of thing puts people off, not spurs them into action. I understand everything you are expressing, but putting people down and labeling someone who wants to save for their family's future well being as selfish is just very off-putting, and does not make me (and so probably others who read) want to donate. I am barraged with requests for donations through FB every day, and the people who try to make me feel bad for wanting some financial security for my family and thus not donating every extra cent after we pay our own bills leave a bad taste in my mouth, and may very well be pushing others away too. I'm sorry.

Nancy said...

Love your heart!

stephanie said...

Ellie, I hope you can continue your adoption soon. it must have been heart wrenching to have to stop. I honestly cannot even begin to understand how hard that must be.

In defense to my post, which really doesn't need defending, but maybe some clarifying, I never put anyone down, or labeled anyone who wanted to save for their families future. Everyone wants to save ! Everyone needs to save. And I never insinuated that people should leave themselves penniless and donate everything they have. That would be irresponsible and ridiculous.I never used the word selfish. I'm not asking or looking for donations from this post. I'm sorry if you think I am attacking people who are careful with their money and want to save . If you read it again maybe you will see I'm talking about just the opposite type of person. The person who has so much, says they want to help, but would rather throw their money, and or efforts it to the wind. People who sit silently might possibly aggravate me the most. And I think I said that in my post too. Money has very little to do with my venting and my anger. Lack of action is my biggest gripe. Lack of action from people who actually "say" they "wish they could do something". And those people we all have met. They are phony and I hate that .And in my mind everyone is capable of doing something, if they truly wish too. Without spending a dime you can save a life. That's what I'm venting about. I hope this clears things up. There was no attack on anyone here. This was not an attempt to gather funds, or make anyone feel guilty for not going into debt to fund an adoption.
And please don't be sorry. It's good to talk! We are on the same side.

Lacey said...

I understand your post my friend! I know someone that opened up a chipin to help with costs of frequent hospital trips, and then bragged about their new Iphone!! Really?? Sometimes all people can do is pray, and spread awareness. I know how crazy you feel that you can't commit to her and bring her home. Its the most frustrating thing ever!! Every time I see sweet Lily, knowing that she is so thin, and needs her heart repaired, but being in Russia is a big downer. I lot of people can't go there, us included. So if we commit to Ruth, I still have that sweet Lily in my mind, that she is older and desperately needs a home. Grrr!!!